Just a feeling.

Have you ever felt like you don't belong in the little bubble the world has reserved for you?

A rather informal gathering.

A Rather Imformal Gathering Involving Marshmellows, Soft Socks, and little l.e.d poi balls.

Camped at Googh's in a little clearing in the back of his yard.
Was alright.

We had a little fire and everything.
A few little shinanigans but yeah not bad :)
I'm pretty keen on if we do another one, we know what works and what doesn't.

Sooooo so fucking freezing though
x

Edie.

For an Art assignment I had to draw four women out of four different categories that influenced me and showed the 'portrayal of women throughout history'. Was a bit silly I think, but I finished one of Edie Sedgwick that I'm really happy with :)

It looks a little something something like below.


If you notice how tiny my foot looks next to it, you'll understand it's size.
It's pretty big. About a metre long and 60 or so cms wide.
x

One day.

Fuck, one day I will attend Burning Man.
That's a promise universe, keep me to it.

And so it begins tomorrow..

My friend, Matt Googh, has challenged me to live my life by making important decisions based solely on flipping a coin.
Always up for a challenge I accept.
I'll let you know what happens next :)
x

Starksy's 18th. Mitch's. Elands. Cam's.

Photo's from Starky's 18th and random game of Kings :)
I went to bed kinda wasted and randomly woken up about 4 by everyone wanting to walk to the beach.
And so we walked to One Mile beach at 4 in the morning, in pyjamas, wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Night time beach is definitely one of my favourite things.

Next day I got driven home by Cameron screaming out Bright Eyes songs.
I got kidnapped later that night and taken skinny dipping by Mitch and his mate Kirra, who was lovely AND MY SIZE. Haha I love meeting people who aren't taller than me :D
We ended up back at his, played some pool (which we were all terrible at), watched Pootietang (tehe) and fell asleep all in the one bed.
Squishyyyyyyy is an understatement.

Cuz of daylight savings we got up at like fucking 20 past six. ugh!
Then went to maccas for breakfast because we were too lazy to go cook :)

Later that arvo Mitch took me back to his and we watched some Miami Ink before we drove up into the mountains for another Elands party :)
We helped Jasper while he was freaking out about catering and got to meet a whole heap of people that he's close to like family and close friends and that while at pete's (or we just call it elands house).
The actual party was down in Elands hall and was wicked fun.
I don't think I've ever danced so much.
I hadn't planned on drinking anything, but Mitch offered me two beers which I mixed with raspberry cordial (Tastes actually pretty good. not at all like beer anymore.) and then sooo many people kept giving me a glass of this, or a can of that and I ended up pretty gone I think.

Tom Crellin got me dancing eventually, but then I didn't stop.
The music was loud and lovely and I was tipsy so I moved to it for about 5 hours.
Eventually it got broken up about midnight and so Calypso and I walked Fyn to pete's cuz he was vomming and I just fell asleep on the floor cuz I was so exhausted.

Next morning Jasper took me to this hill where you could see for miles and miles in every direction.
Most pretty place I've been to in awhile.
I'd love to go back and take photos when I get my camera :).

That night Cameron Green and a gathering at his, so Gemma drove herself and I out.
This night was fun :)
Kinda a bit like a St. Clairians gathering, but it was okay.
I managed to attend two maccas runs in haha.

School holidays are going well :)
xx

What does it feel like to just let go?

I'm always wishing, I'm always wishing too late. For things to go my way. It always ends up the same.

Repeat after me, I am free.

Countdown.

10 things you wish to say to 10 different people, no names:

1. I hate being the one who has to continue the conversation, ALL OF THE TIME. I find you intriguing in the best possible way, but I'm no where near committed in any form of feelings to have to force you to open up. I'm sorry, you're lovely, but you're WAY too hard to get to know. I give up.

2. I wish I had the courage to discover the thing between us.

3. I miss you, and I know we're falling apart. We're not best friends any more. You need to put the same effort that I'm putting in. I hate that I'm loosing you.

4. You're quite the amazing, I like that I met you.

5. I find you fake, and I don't like it.

6. Stop being such a push over. Your cool. Stand up for yourself :)

7. I hate how you make me feel lonely.

8. I wish I owned your wardrobe :)

9. I don’t feel like you care anymore, and that hurts me.

10. I liked that we kissed. But hate that it's going to make us awkward. Friends?

9 things about myself:
1. I am very indecisive, and act in the moment, and this gets me in a heap of trouble.
2. I hate trouble and messy situations. I can't cope.
3. All the time (sometimes without even realising) I can be a cunt.
4. I think I'm too influenced by other people. I'd like to find myself, and be influenced by her instead.
5. I lie sometimes, for no real reason and have no real motive to. It's a weird urge I feel sometimes.
6. I constantly become involved in relationships that are anything but. Like I mean limbo situations, that eventuate to nothing. I don't like this.
7. I'm too polite sometimes to say what I really think, or act the way I'd like to act.
8. I feel like there is two of me, living within the one body. A weird yin and yang soul.
9. I hate feeling angry, confused and hurt yet it seems to be my perpetual default stage. Especially when I'm at home. Which I why I like living away in the nothing.

8 ways to win my heart:
1. Raw, and honest.
2. Easy to get to know.
3. Funny.
4. Fun.
5. Spontaneous adventures.
6. Being able to converse with me for hours on end, easily.
7. Something cute about your physical.
8. Talented at something I enjoy or respect.

7 things that cross my mind a lot:
1. "What if.."
2. What people think of me, how they see me.
3. The past.
4. Am I okay?
5. What's going to happen in the future.
6. "I need to find more music"
7. "Uuuuugh fuck, I have nothing to wear."

6 things I do before I fall asleep (in no order):
1. Take a shower
2. Think
3. Cuddle something
4. Get under a blanket of some form, I have to sleep with a blanket :)
5. Turn off the light
6. Put moisturiser on my face/legs.

5 people who mean a lot:
1. Jasper.
2.Maggie.
3. Reuben.
4. Murtie.
5. Nicky.

4 things you can’t live without
1. Water.
2. Inspiration.
3. Hope.
4. Friends!

3 bands/artists you listen to most often: (AT THE MOMENT)
1. Bright Eyes.
2. Arctic Monkeys.
3. Angus & Julia Stone.

2 things you want to do before you die:
1. Grow old with someone I love dearly.
2. Find contentedness.

1 confession:
1. I developed deep strong feelings for another boy while being in a fairly serious relationship. I didn't act on them, even though they were returned, but I kinda feel like that because I wanted something to happen it's as good as cheating and all this time later I still feel guilty.

Cassie (L)

In an effort to get my friend, Maggie, into Skins, I downloaded all of Season 1 and 2. Unable to resist I just watched the whole two seasons within the week :)
Oh how I forgot how much love I had for Cassie.
She is so Lovely :)

Bit late Coming.

This is a little late, but I thought I'd post the photos any ways.
I apologise for the length of my skirt in the first one, it had just ridden up a bit :S.

A few weeks ago, 27ish of February, I escaped my lazy town to skip down to Mardi Gras with a few lovely friends :)
Achieved: 20 hours of travelling down in two days, hundreds of thousands of people at the parade, tens of kilometres walked and possibly the sight of one too many naked people :)

The bus to Newcastle took about 5 hours I swear. By the time we'd gotten to Newcastle I was sooo sick of traveling haha.
The parade is fun :)
Hopefully next year I can get a masquerade mask to wear so I don't make it on tv and get onto a float ;)

Would have been nice to be 18.
Friend with contacts had free passes to get into the after party. Felt so stupid and lame that I was the reason they all couldn't get in, as I'm not 18 and legal yet. Gahhh :'(

Catching up with Harley was loveeeeeeely as was his view :).

About 2 hours of sleep later, we had to travel the whole way back home via train. And of all silly things to happen there was a bomb scare, someone had written under a curtain on our carriage, 'there is a bomb on this train, Run for your lives.' Of course they took it very seriously and stopped the train at the next station at Stratfield.

So they evacuated us all out of the carriage, and placed us onto the platform. Then they made us move to the other side of the platform so we were hidden behind the offices. After a tiny bit they moved us to the next platform and then down a level and then they completely evacuated the whole place.
They brought in two different bomb squads,and sniffer dogs, and wouldn't let us back onto the train without two special event cops questioning about what we'd seen that day.
Biggest waste of time.
All we wanted to do was sleep, and didn't really care all too much if we got blown up in the process..



Best weekend I've had in ages :D

Boy and Bear.

"As they came out of the sunshine
The flowers nestled in their hair"
Mexican Mavis - Boy and Bear :)

Birds of the feather, flock together.

We all live in a yellow submarine...

(:

Love?

Love:

• a strong positive emotion of regard and affection
  
• any object of warm affection or devotion
  
• have a great affection or liking for
• a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction
• sleep together: have sexual intercourse with
• Love is chemical imbalances within the brain
• Love is confinement, commitment and a loss of freedom

Subjective:

1. Subjectivity refers to a person's perspective or opinion, particular feelings, beliefs, and desires. It is often used casually to refer to unsubstantiated personal opinions, in contrast to knowledge and fact-based beliefs. In philosophy, the term is often contrasted with objectivity.
2. Subjectivity - judgment based on individual personal impressions and feelings and opinions rather than external facts
3. influenced by personal opinion.


Today, I've realised EVERYTHING is subjective.

The worst feelings in life.

The Worst Feelings in Life:
-Being told that someone is better than you
-Knowing that you're being lied to
-Letting yourself be beat down
-Crying hard.
-Loosing someone close.
-Watching yourself fade away.
-Falling apart because you're alone
-Being alone because you're falling apart.
-Hating yourself
-Not being good enough.
-Being told she's prettier
-Being mad at someone because you're mad at yourself
-Best friends falling apart
-Being told that you are fat.
-Breaking up
-Falling out of love
-Being used.
-Being made fun of
-Changing for someone else
-Realising that they don't love you.
-Falling asleep alone when he should be next to you.

Destroy.

Tyler Durden: Where'd you go, psycho boy?
Narrator: I felt like destroying something beautiful

Wants.

I want a pair of these. My goodness.

Freedom.

"We share conversations on how we're all just floating, through space and nothing matters, I'm looking for a pattern.
Can't we just disappear and take our chances?"

They're lost.

Sometimes other people's words sum everything up nicely.

My life line is broken.

"I went to a party once, and there was a palm reader there and when she looked at my hand, she just froze. And I said to her "I know....I know." My lifeline is broken." - Edie Sedgwick

The General Rules of Summer.

As summer has been and gone for this year, I thought I should make some rules to remember for next time.
Just so I can improve at life as my summers pass each year :)

Rules:

1. No matter where you are going, no matter who you are seeing, or how long you plan to be away for, BRING TOGS (/swimmers/whatever you choose to call them) because YOU WILL NEED THEM.
Okay so you think that's so easy and you've got that down but repeat after me, TAKE YOUR TOGS. Wearing boys underpants and your own bra, does not constitute as appropriate swimwear, unless you're on top of a mountain, swimming in rapids with only 15 or so other male members the morning after a mate's eighteenth - actually no scrap that. ( Especially when people start joking that you've made it into the pants of the person whom you'd borrowed them off.)

2. The second general rule of summer, and probably the one that will apply to the most amount of people goes like so: you think you will be away for about an hour, you will come back after about 3. You think you're only going out for a night, it's almost guaranteed you'll be gone for two, so plan you need to plan for this accordingly.

3. Because of rule two, while your so obediently packing your togs, you will need a toothbrush as well. DO NOT FORGET THIS. No one likes someone with furry teeth and bad breath :]

4. Sunburn looks lame on even the best of people. I know sun cream is greasy and disgusting and you 'wanna hav a fully sick tan 4 summa brahh' but honestly, you look like a lobster and people who look like lobsters are not very attractive.
So I've devised a simple formula for you to remember:
YOU + FUN TIMES IN THE SUN - UNATTRACTIVE SUNBURN = SUN CREAM.
Easy, yes?

5. To all the lovely princess's I have as friends, this is for you. (Actually, it's really for me more than anything ;) ) Straightened hair, perfect foundation, smoky eyes and really expensive mascara looks good during any other time of the year but LOOKS SO STUPID IN SUMMER. The humidity will melt your perfectly constructed face downwards like the ski fields in spring and cause your hair to spring up in crazy half straightened half dead ratty ringlets..
If you MUST wear something to keep you from feeling naked and exposed, waterproof mascara and concealer will do just fine. Apply sparingly :)

6. Sleeping on trampolines seems like a really sweet and lovely idea, especially when you're with someone that you quite like but really, don't bother. You'll awake shivering and freezing, and the dew will attack you with it's moist terror in the early hours of the morning. Tents work fine :)

7. A night of sobriety, watching Sydney's fireworks on TV, and playing Mario Cart on Nintendo Wii, just doesn't quite cut it for New Years celebrations. On any other evening it would be cool but it just doesn't quite get high enough on the awesome scale for the supposed biggest night out of the year.

8. Sleep is for the weak. Unless it's from about 4 in the morning onwards, or unless you have a good reason for having to awake the next morning. Otherwise, cherish the fact you don't have to attend school/work/other season's commitments in a few days time, and have fun during your night times. They are fun when you make them be :)

9. No one keeps resolutions. Especially at New Years. This is a lame tradition that from now should be conveniently ignored. Why waste the 5 seconds it took for you to think of things you've known the whole previous year, but chose to ignore at the time?

10. While summer is a perfect time for meeting people and making friends that ''make you feel alive ect. ect., summer is also meant for your already made and perfected relationships that you share with your best friends. Keep them in your plans or you'll end up never seeing them and then miss them all summer long.

11. Summer music festivals are awesome - if you actually attended. So when you come home from one, you may have one whole conversation about who you saw, how they played and if you liked the event, or even post one Facebook status update, so like-minded festival goers can comment with smiley faces and 'OOH yeah that was awesome' BUT other than this, shhhhhhh, no body really cares that much.
(this also counts for the countdown before the event)

So that's me done, I think I've covered everything I promised I'd remember for next year :)
Bring on winter with it's cold weather, warm doonas and soft socks!

I am looking for my soulmate.

I wish we were all born with labels telling us just who we were made for. "Hi there, my name is ________. I am looking for ________. They're my soulmate."

Connections.

Why do I always find the need to cut off people that get to close to me?
No matter how many people think of themselves as close friends, I always feel cut off from everyone.
I know it's a survival method I've been taught by life, but I just hate it.
I want to feel close to someone. I want to feel connection, you know?
I'm sick of finding myself pushing everyone away.

Dear sleep,

Dear sleep. I feel it's time we had a talk. Our relationship isn't as it was. I miss the good old days when we'd stay together all night and you wouldn't leave until late the following morning. Now it seems like you just come and go as you please, coming to my bed late at night and leaving a few hours later. My precious sleep, we need to find a way to fix this. x

Onstage Excursion :)

So I awoke so very early (4:30!) after three whole hours of quality sleep, and boarded a bus bound for Sydney.
Was actually a really fun day :)
The actual Onstage part was so incredible, and I feel slightly anxious about having to do something of that standard to do well in Drama for next year. It doesn't put me off as much as, I just really want to do well in it. Time will tell how it ends up, I suppose.

The bus times were amazing (the whole eight hours worth). We were playing around with the drivers who drove behind us :)
Not necessarily flashing them, just having fun with their heads.
Billy had a Flash 4 flash sign, from which we got some horny guy's number and address.
We chucked the reject line at him haha.

Got to get to know Billy, Erin and Tash, and they're actually pretty darn cool.
Syked up, and ready for Billy's party.
(;